Suqa's Mile High Club

Suqa's Mile High Club was the fifth quest undertaken by the Party and involved Kaano, Eirien, Tatsumaki and Hai, and was DMed by CubedCreations. After being separated from the rest of his team, Suqa found himself alone, and wandering the seemingly endless void that was the wasteland. Eventually he came across a strange object protruding from the sand at his feet. For a second he thought it was the legendary JO crystal, and went to find some bros to help charge it. After meeting with a large contingent of Warforged, they set about excavating the object. To the immense disappointment of Suqa, the object was NOT the legendary JO crystal...the Warforged tried to tell him they couldn’t JO anyway (Even if they were surrounded by awesome bros) but he wouldn’t listen. The object was actually a gigantic airship that crashed centuries ago, the Warforged made quick work of repairing it and Suqa...Suqa had an idea. Soon word spread across the wasteland that mysterious lights began appearing in the night sky, and fliers being dropped on towns that had information on a flying nightclub known as the Overcompensator (These fliers also included gratuitous nude shots of Suqa that scarred several children). people began disappearing in search  of this mystical place (many abandoning their own quests for the legendary JO crystal) and with disappearances came mercenaries, our band of mercenaries.

The Nihilist's Request
I, the great Kaano - a.k.a. the Nihilist, the Scourge of Bahamut, the Great Terror  of the West, Church burner of Undying Evil, Deathkill Mcblackheartshadow - would like to invite no more than three highly skilled, trustworthy, courageous and, above all, obedient adventurers to share in the honour of hunting down this ‘Overcompensator’ as it’s called. The goal? To find Suqa Mardiq, who I have reason to believe commandeered this most sensual of airships, and demand he tell me when he intends to run off on crazed quests for legendary artifacts! Also we’ll possibly steal the JO crystal as well, if he has it, we’ll see. I have arranged for travel aboard the infamous Underworld, one of the most mysterious pirate ships to grace the modern seas (and we’re going to learn all about, how about that?). We depart as soon as is possible; the companion who brings me Suqa’s head will be most handsomely reward (although you get nothing if it’s not still attached to his body).

Plot
After Suqa disappeared from the group an indeterminate amount of time ago, the party found itself resting at the Happy Lighthouse, resting came to waiting, and waiting led to boredom. After months of no quests, Thwark informs Tatsumaki, Eirien and Kaano about several of his drug mules having severed communication after trying to set up a drug connection with a small coastal town by the name of Wormwood famous for it’s siren sightings. With nothing else to do and the rest of the party unable to join in due to various scheduling problems’ Tatsumaki, Kaano and Eirien set out for Wormwood, only to find out that not only had the Awks disappeared, but the whole town had been rendered empty a long time ago.

After heading to the local tavern, Eirien introduces herself to three bandits working for POX industries to steal as much stuff as possible. The three bandits being Knobble foot, Wild Eyes, and Big Richard and while the three are unimpressed with Eirien, they are completely and utterly enchanted by Kaano's high persuasiveness (level 20 Diplomacy check). The three bandits give Kaano a barrel of beer (of which Tatsumaki drinks 75% of, and promptly is knocked unconscious) and volunteer to show them around the abandoned town. The first stop is the town centre, where Kaano emits giant beams of light out of his eyes (Level 20 perception check) it is revealed that the town loved a certain princess named Webba, who was captured by Driders and entered the land of myth amongst townsfolk (and since a large library of slasher movie stories aren't available in Wastelandia) the group splits up to cover more ground. Eirien goes into the Secretaries' office and narrowly avoids a dead Drider corpse falling from the roof, Tatsumaki and Wild Eyes enters the jail, and after getting  a small amount of information about what happens unwittingly lets loose Armadillo the vicious man eater of Wastelandia. Finally and most importantly, Kaano enters the mayors office and finds his separated body parts suspended in the air by spider string. Kaano reawakens the mayors disembodied head, which regales him on how a strange sound was heard over the town before a group of Driders arrived to kill him and all who remained in the town center. Kaano’s spell is interrupted by a sigil on the mayors face, but not before learning of the location of the oceanside Happy Lighthouse, a place of great importance.

To get to this location the party employs the assistance of a supposed Tiefling illusionist by the name of Hai. Kaano and Hai verbally fight before he joins the party in taking them to the Oceanside happy lighthouse. Upon arriving the party finds a small airship at the top by the name of ‘Spermy’, the four pile in and the ship auto pilots up to it’s mothership ‘The Overcompensator’, all while the soothing dulcet tones of Suqa regale the party about how the ship is one of his greatest accomplishments and that it’s pretty much the best thing ever. After docking with the ship (heh) the party meets St Ruin, a Tiefling saint refused entrance to the Overcompensator due to his religious history (he has survived entirely on Dick shaped crackers). St Ruin informs the party that they would not be allowed into the Overcompensator unless they get special Fetish cards, Hai receives Bestiality, Kaano receives rope, Tatsumaki receives Fat, and Eirien receives Sweat.

Fast forwarding through a bunch of sweat gathering, fat diving and shit sucking events (also  including a balls out drug scene where the party meets the spiritual manifestation of Itsa) the party fights of the evil dominant business man by the name of Mr Beige and his bodyguard Gimper, Gimper is quickly dispatched and Mr Beige is brutally dealt with. A similar event occurs on the third level where the party meets Voval the Cannibal (and proceeds to essentially curb stomp her paralysed body)and finds out that the ship had been taken over by an unknown assailant that after using the driders to capture the citizens of the town, brutally killed them and fed them to Voval.

After getting Suqa out of the refrigerator (using methods that Eirien will never speak of again) he reveals that Wormwood’s sirens are powering the music system of the ship, and that they’re being controlled by their princess who in turn is being controlled by the unknown controller of the ship. Suqa quickly went into the engine room to do some ‘business’ while the rest of the party went up to the top of the ship and entered the ships giant ‘dance ball’ in which 2 thousand people were being forced to dance wildly by the songs of the captured sirens, when they first entered the ball the only member of the party to be infected by the music was Eirien losing control and dancing wildly. While trying to break into the last elevator, the music stopped, and the Emperor Long Dong entered the ball and introduced himself as the force behind the ships capture, before turning on the music and instructing the dancers to kill the party. This time the only one that was spared from the music’s influence was Eirien, who narrowly escaped the rest of the party’s attacks by going up the elevator to the final level.

The final level contained the main controller of the ship, who revealed herself as the lost princess Webba, who eventually joined Long Dong’s forces after being kept under the Driders control for so long she practically went mad. Webba points out to Eirien a box behind her that contained the siren princess, and her large trained spider behind herself…she stated that if Eirien tried to run or didn’t fight, then she would kill the siren princess. This event would’ve caused the sirens of the world to bring the warm water from the bottom of the ocean to the icy poles, thus flooding the entire world. Eirien began exchanging blows with Webba before eventually the rest of the party arrived in the room, still hypnotised by the sirens and randomly attacked the two, and dealt some pretty substantial damage before Webba instructed her spider to attack them and leave the Eirien battle to her. Eventually Eirien managed to knock Webba unconscious, and celebrated for a few seconds before realising that Suqa’s meaning of ‘business’ was piloting the Overcompensator into the town of Wormwood. In the destruction and confusion Long Dong, Webba, and the sirens escaped, leaving the party a moment of reflection in the destroyed ruin of the Overcompensator, as the once hypnotised people returned to their homes and celebrated.